I felt safe, like nothing could touch me, and yet I wanted his touch more than I'd wanted anything. The world passed around us but I saw nothing, heard nothing and wanted nothing, but him.
His eyes saw through me, into me, and it felt confronting at first; how dare he. But as the evening unfolded so did I as he peeled me back with those eyes, his voice, the way nothing else seemed to matter to him but me. He was intensely focused and I was a little lost in his eyes, and didn't even care.
His voice was hypnotic, words polite, solicitous and often funny, and they settled in my mind, lingered there, and found a comfortable place intertwined with my own thoughts. As we talked I was drawn out a little more and found I leaned in towards him slightly; as if in eagerness to hear him, or just to be closer. My hand slid forward slightly on the table and I caught the smallest of movements at the corner of his mouth and a glint in his eye...Satisfaction? I hoped so, I wanted him to know I wanted him...but wanted to be subtle too. I leaned in a little more, what harm could it do?
I found myself telling him things I'd told no one before; thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams for the future and, as I did, I realised I wanted him to share them with me. A curious thought, it was only our third date. What had this intense, delightful, charming, funny man done to me?
I think I knew what he had done, but didn't want to go there just yet, even in the privacy of my own mind...I knew though.
As we walked out of the restaurant I felt his hand gently touch low on my back guiding me out the door protectively...my body tingled slightly...and I think he knew it, there was that smirk again. I composed myself and nodded to his suggestion of a walk.
The gardens were quiet, dim but not dark, the lamps on tall posts cast circles of yellowish light on the path beneath and it was just on the edge of one circle of light we stopped to watch the city lights reflected in the lake. It really was beautiful, even more than it was from high up in the building where we'd had dinner together. The entire night had been beautiful, and I wondered if this was the place I'd have my last first kiss.
I moved a little closer, the bulk of his body looming over me pleasingly, and we watched the lights flicker in the rippling water.
We stood in silence for a few moments, it took every ounce of willpower not to touch his hand with mine, I just wanted to feel his skin on mine and that tingling sensation I'd felt when he touched the small of my back...and then...we both spoke at once, stopped, started again and turned to each other and laughed. I thought moments like this only happened in the movies.
He began to apologise at the very same time I did but we both fell silent just a little lost in the others eyes.
We were facing each other, I was a little too close because I'd already sidled in moments ago, and I looked up into his handsome face, half in shadow from the light above. His eyes reflected the city lights, they danced with every colour and I felt mesmerised, drawn in. He gazed down at me for what seemed like minutes, but in those few brief seconds something happened, like...something felt perfectly right.
I felt a light brush on the back of my hand. His fingers felt warm as they so lightly touched my hand and without thinking I turned it to his and he took it gently holding it like it was something precious. I loved how it felt to be connected to him and that safe feeling came back. I knew, right then, he would never do me harm or allow it to befall me.
I gazed into his eyes and saw my own thoughts reflected there, dancing with his in those coloured reflections of light that swirled there.
Longing. Desire. Need. Anticipation.
My last first kiss was a beautiful thing, lingering, gentle but firm. It reached down inside me and unlocked places I'd not expected, revealed me to myself and to him...and I loved the feeling.
I felt free, but captive. I felt in love.
We kissed a lot that night, and at one point in between him tenderly kissing my lips and nuzzling my neck his mouth found my ear and into it he whispered temptation and I gave in to it.
Becca 💗