I am a person who is very clear about my Dos and Don'ts and I do not even shy off to inform the opposite person about this. But in the last few months I really do not understand what happened to me and I was becoming submissive. And this was happening to me in one particular HR project I had taken up for a Company.
The Company was of a good friend of mine, so initially I was trying to accommodate as much as possible, I was giving a Yes to almost all of their demands. But in a few months' time, I started feeling uncomfortable and I realized that somewhere I was getting exploited for my kindness. I had very clearly informed them that I would not be working on friday and saturday, but they would keep making request for me to accommodate, saying please consider special circumstances. I was doing it for some time, but then I noticed, it had become their regular habit of making such request, and since I was not saying No to them, maybe they started taking me for granted. They would call me up at any odd hours. The agreement made with them was almost like of no use.
For quite some time, it kept playing on my mind, and my hubby would say, tell them very clearly what you can do and what you cannot. Anyways even the type of work was getting on me, it was more about punishing people all the time for not doing something or the other. They would hardly see good in people, and that part was also annoying me at a great extent. I am a person who always want to motivate people and not discourage them, and here something I was expected to do exactly opposite. They were paying me very well, so that was one reason also that I was not able to make an easy decision of quitting it. But then it was going way over my tolerance level, I did also mention to them about the contract, but it was like that part was just ignored. Finally, I made a firm decision to quit and I quit the project.
Honestly, I was so much at relief mentally, and some big lessons learnt.
No matter whoever it is in your life, it is important to set boundaries for yourself. It is important that you speak up at the right time and do not shy off. There are people who are always waiting to take advantage of your kindness or your meekness. When you do not speak up at the right time, you can be easily taken for granted. You give out that signal that you are available for exploitation. Do not expose out yourself so much to people, so that they start thinking you are weak and they can do anything with you.
Be it a personal relation or your professional environment, setting boundaries for yourself is very important.
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The Truth when people see that you are kind or meek, they like to take advantage of you. I like the fact you took your stand when you couldn't tolerate it anymore, not is worth you peace of mind. Nice post.
True, when it comes to one's peace of mind then one has to take strong decisions.
Yes, it's very important.
Respect for the boundaries of another person is very important for society, I agree with you.
People easily take you granted for your vulnerability as well as your kindness.
Exploitation is such a fancy word which always find someone who has lot capability for tolerance . I Think your company went to same path. I have seen some reputed company when they cut their manpower those seem little burden on company expense then indirectly push them to leave.
Anyways i respect your self esteem .It was good decision 👍
The Companies never fail to take advantage of any crises and put the burden on their employees. It is such a dirty corporate game.
I salute your courage and resoluteness, also I have learnt that such boundary is easy to set and enforce where people believe in human rights and there options for people. Unfortunately in many developing countries, it's very difficult to respect terms of contract because they know you don't have option neither are jobs available. Notwithstanding, we should not relinquish our standard for piece of bread.
In most of the organizations Human rights is just a fancy word on their Policies but actually never followed. I could quit, but then there are many who do not have that liberty.
This post is a good reminder for myself, I had issues with this too. Now I prefer to be considered difficult or arrogant than meek and easy to exploit. People will sniff your weakness and exploit you until you are done. For mental health this is detrimental. I have learned to say no and stand up for myself. It is still a journey because our ego makes us sensitive to what we think about what people think about us. In the end our own mental health is more important! I congratulate you for finally saying No.!
I have become tough in the last few years, but still I have not been able to mold myself in a manner where I can be very direct and clear. I try to accommodate as much as I can and only when it goes beyond my tolerance I show a reaction, which I guess is my area of improvement. Mental Health is the most important specially in the times we are living in
This happened to me recently where I found a space for my makeup the lady makes hair so when she found out I can too she started requesting I help her out and at the end of the day she does not pay me but I pay for the space I’m using for makeup so I had to let her know that if she wants me to be helping her out she needs to start paying me.
And today she told me that any hair I make we will split the money I was glad I told her about been paid.
Ahhhaaa, how people can take you for granted if you do not speak up. Good you voiced it out, because it is important that you get paid for your efforts and that too when you are paying her up for the space.
I’m happy I did
Cool