This is not a lookbook. I thought a lot before writing this post. I have been dealing with PTSD and depression for a month and those who follow my post regularly, already know. Treatment is ongoing and medication started already. Last year when the war breakout, since then I was not been the same. I was having a hard time adjusting and adapting to the situation. The result is a mental breakdown and PTSD. I wish I could explain how intense psychotherapy can be. I only feel emptiness, I have nothing left.
I cannot take pictures, it's very difficult for me. Even I cannot do simple daily necessary things due to my depression. I manage to write but cannot do it often because I feel tired. Happiness is far away from me. A big void has been created inside me which seems unfulfillable. Even now what I am writing I don't know.
There is a big difference between me and these photos. These photos are memory, the real me is now currently fighting with illness. My doctor said I live in my past and that's why depression happened. But I think I lost the confidence and motivation of living life. I feel stuck, and blocked and a part of me is completely shut down from the world.
I guess war was not enough for me that's why now I have PTSD and depression. Looks like my punishment is not over yet. Sleeping pills and anti-depression medicines kill me every day but obviously, they are necessary. Without them, I feel vulgar and become uncontrollable...
My glamorous life is gone, normal life doesn't exist and now I am fighting with my health and recovery. Sometimes it feels like I never gonna be better.
What is the point of living this miserable life!! I don't know...
These photos are just a beautiful memory...
Regards,
Priyan
Thanks, everyone...
All rights reserved...
Photo Location: Kharkiv Oblast, Ukraine
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Pri, this is heartbreaking to hear. Are you still in Netherlands? I hope we will have the opportunity to meet again in the near future - I think having a good social support network can help a lot.
I am still in Netherlands, didn't find any opportunity to return or to move to another place that can be suitable for me. I also hope that we will meet soon in the near future. Treatment is helping a lot and the main problem is my surroundings, I lost trust and have trust issues as well. A lot of things happened in the past year after fleeing from the war and somehow I lost balance and confidence in myself and my life due to horrible circumstances...
I think being by yourself or isolated could make things worse. Socialising and engaging with the right people can go a long way in helping you find meaning in life. Best wishes on your recovery back to optimal health :)
Thank you, my doctor said similar things to me but the main problem is I kind of stuck somewhere and having trust issues. It's hard to explain because my brain and body do not cooperate with each other and I find everything so difficult. A fear has been created inside me and I kind of scared of talking to people and engaging...
Oh, that's very tough. It might take a lot of time to get over it. But starting small, little by little, and working your way out of it can immensely help in getting over with it. We, humans are resilient creatures that can get out in any trouble/problem we find ourselves in. We just have to learn how to tap from it. You're most welcome :)
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