Writing has become my comfort zone. I wondered sometimes what those thoughts kept coming into my head. It suddenly made me happy but it made me sad at the same time. To escape from it whenever I was alone I turned myself busy through writing. However, the reality is sometimes harsh as we recognize it. What we love doesn't love us back or just simply explain it. We can not do the things we really love because there are things we need to take care of.

Recently, a new kind of life opened my eyes. Not like before I could just roam around and keep on writing anytime and anywhere I loved. I missed writing to be honest. The emotions that I wanted to express through words. Especially since the kind of life I'm having is not as good or beautiful as the others. I have a small store but myself taught me not to rely on it for everything I need. I fully understood that if I'd do that the small store would not grow and what's worse it would be shut down.

I am self-employed with different kinds of jobs but make sure not to leave the store unattended. Recently, I was on the street selling street foods because the festive is coming into our town. I'm taking advantage of the crowded town because of this event. I was thinking that maybe I could earn more from it. As always, there are those ups and downs but I told myself not to be disappointed. Success could be acquired by those who believe and persevere. But of course, those thoughts should not be like empty words.

When I was free I went to the sea to do fishing. I was in the mountains for quite some time. Also, I worked together with the locals on how to plant rice. Actually, it was not a good job for me since I have an injury in my hips. I got it when I forced myself to lift heavy lumber. It was very unfair that it happened but what else could I do when it's already there?

Hmmmm, nothing. All I wanted was to release the emotions of the missing feeling in writing. I became like this after I went to a place like this. Not long ago I was free to do the things that I wanted. I hate to admit it but this is growing up and this is building a family. I'd rather be like this than be alone for the rest of my life. We all have different understandings of how life should be so forgive me if ever it sounded offensive to some.

Watching this cottage next to the sea reminded me of how I spent so much time on the shore while writing. By seeing it like this I couldn't stop myself from imagining myself being there while enjoying the free feeling of being there. I miss writing fiction stories where it feels like dreaming to me or an escape from reality.

It's funny how I became so dramatic which is normal for me months ago. Today, I'm not used to it anymore and I feel embarrassed. I smiled for a short time perhaps but I was surprised by droplets of water even though I couldn't see it was raining. Missing the old times where I could write whenever I wanted but now it's not possible. I even discouraged myself from thinking about writing so I would not feel the pain much longer. This is me right now, can write and can not because of the daily needs in life.

Thank you for reading

All content is my own unless otherwise noted
If images are being recycled, I just found it fit in my article.

ABOUT ME

_{Paul is the name but prefers to be called mrnightmare that feels like living in the dream. A country boy and a dreamboy (dreamer) who likes to stay in a small village even though it means abandoning the future to become a seaman. The passion is writing but not sailing in the vast ocean. Don't wonder if the face will not be shown, this is better where the words can flow smoothly. Come, you can tell me your stories and I'll tell you mine. Together, let's explore the world by broadening our thoughts. If you need a shoulder I can lean you mine and I hope I can lean yours. The world is fun when living is not being alone but with someone.}

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