Sentir que no eres buena para nada | Cosas que no te cuentan sobre ser artista [esp/eng]

I'm going through a difficult period in my life, in my career and in my self-esteem. And I think this platform (Hive) is one of the few safe spaces I have to talk openly about the things I'm going through...And well, this community lends itself precisely for that: To do catharsis.

For those of you who haven't seen my content before and/or don't know me I am an Actress and Singer. I have almost 3 years in training and I recently started to dedicate myself to this professionally...Although I'm not going to lie, the road is quite difficult both to get opportunities and financially. And I think everyone talks about it and it is no secret to anyone that it is quite complicated to succeed in this world, but the things that few talk about is that process in which you deal with your own frustration as an artist, your self-esteem, the hurtful comments that other people can make about you and your work... That for me has been the hardest thing so far.

I started doing Theater in January 2021, month in which I enrolled in a Musical Theater school to do a 6 month training in Singing, Dancing and Acting. I must emphasize that during the second class I was already more than convinced that this was what I wanted to dedicate my life to...I had recently left my Social Communication career in the midst of the pandemic, a very strong depressive condition that forced me to take medication, a horrible vocational crisis and having also left an extremist religious group in which I grew up. I was at the lowest point of my life and I felt how the Theater brought me back to life, gave me back my soul and gave me back the desire to do things and want to succeed in life.

I had a couple of very good months, in which they responded to several auditions, I was in this group of Musical Theater, we began to present good shows, they gave me my first solos and I felt worthy to be called: Actress and Singer. It was a few months where I felt that my career took off and that I could achieve great things as an artist... And then, the descent.

I had very bad days when I just wanted to abandon that project for the simple fear of what others would say and the feeling with myself that I am not good at anything and especially in this art thing. But I made it, we presented our first play and the truth is that it had very good comments and reception from the public (I don't know what my colleagues who went to see the play would think because for obvious mental health reasons I decided not to ask for those opinions this time).

These comments can be very strong (especially because they came from people I admired a lot) and they hurt me a lot. At that moment I wanted to quit art, because I thought, "If people don't like what I'm doing, why am I doing it?". That day (which was a week and a half ago) I cried a lot but then talking to other people has helped me a little.

I have understood that the comments made by others do not define you or your work, that you can accept the notes they give you as feedback to improve but not the destructive comments that others can make about you.

Hopefully I can look at this dark moment in my career and self-esteem in a few years and just laugh, but for now I am allowing myself to feel what I am feeling...Without letting it sink me.

Thank you for joining me on these lines.