Everything About Her: Part 6 - Pictures

This is Part 6 of my 7-day personal challenge. If you're just seeing this now, you can check my previous posts:

• Part 1
• Part 2
• Part 3
• Part 4
• Part 5

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Moments are fleeting but there are ways to immortalize them one way is by taking photos. So as they say, pictures are forever. And yet, I am not the type of person who takes many photos. I believed that to be in the moment, you need all your senses. I also don’t like having my phone in my hand unless I am alone. Keeping my phone out of sight is just my way of respecting the person who I’m with.

Shae used to not take photos too. Until there came a time she tried to recall a memory but couldn’t. She didn’t have any pictures or remembrances that would help her remember the memory, so she asked a friend if she had any photos of that day.

I’ve been on dates with Shae but I don’t have much photos of her. However, even if I stare at her and observed every inch of her face, I can’t imagine her face clearly. Some parts were a blur. It’s uncanny for me to not imagine someone’s face vividly once I’ve spent time with them. I wonder why? Is this my mind’s way of helping me not to remember her? Is it because the time I spent with Shae wasn’t enough? Or is it because I found her not of strong character? Or was it because I knew nothing much about her?

Regardless, now I understand, I should have taken more pictures.

I don't take pictures
I love feeling the moment
Cherishing every frame
But this time
I wished I had taken photos
Didn't expect that
This will be the last time I see you
I have to forget you
And yet I just can't let go
I have to keep on replaying
The fun times we had in my mind
It hurts that those will end
But I want to at least save those
In my memories
And my only regret is
The times I've yet to spend with you.

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Funny how all of the things above are what I wrote when I still wanted to remember her but now even the few pictures I have that reminded me of her are gone. Now I just hope, even the ones from my memories would just blur out even more. However, I can’t do that. Though temporary, I have to accept that Shae was part of my life. I have to pick up whatever lessons I got from this.

It’s amusing how my thinking has changed over the past few days. Especially after writing about her. I feel that I suddenly became sober. Without my feelings, what was my perspective of her? I began to think clearly. No longer absorbed or drowned with thoughts of her. Even as I’m writing this, I do not feel the same sadness as I had last week. I still do think of her though it’s not from a romantic perspective. It’s more of the what now? How am I supposed to proceed? I guess I’ll talk about this in the last part of this 7-day challenge.

But for now, no pictures for me. Maybe someday she and I can start anew. We’ll take photos but this time not to remember her but to remember the moment our friendship begins.

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^{Background photo from Atahan Demir. Banner created on Canva.}