Feeling Alive: How I Got My First Tattoo

_{be dangerous and use it for good}

I wish I could tell you an epic tale behind my tattoo - how the inspiration came to me in a dream or how this tattoo forged a new person in me or how this epic artist formed every font with originality and accuracy... But none of these things happened. Instead, I'll tell you about how sloppy my tattoo story went in all its premium awkwardness 😆

"Some of us misuse our strength, we use too much force when we shouldn't. But most of us live in fear of our strength, because the cost of misusing it feels higher than the cost of never using it at all. We soften ourselves so we don't risk the horror of our mistakes, the pain of knowing that we took a decisive action with the force of a wild animal, it had a consequence and we were wrong. But not using your full power is the most dangerous thing to do. It makes you weak and helpless. It turns you into a victim and it offers nothing to the world. To become strong is to become dangerous and that causes damage sometimes, but it also makes you strong enough to carry a piece of the world on your shoulders for a little while. And there are few pursuits more noble than that.

Go be dangerous so you can use it for good."
- Josh Terry

Josh Terry is a content creator, coach and a writer who shares awesome content on Tiktok, IG and YouTube. I wish I could convince him to make content on Hive so he can spread his awesome here, but I digress. His thoughts on being dangerous and how he advocates for embracing our capacity for danger and using it for good inspired the words on my tattoo -

"be dangerous and use it for good."

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the design

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The thought of having a tattoo came to me when I realized that I wanted to break free from the idea of my past self. Not that I find my past self as someone bad or someone that needs changing so bad, but I yearned for a transformation that will detach who I really am and who I was becoming from who the world thought I was. In short, I like being unpredictable. I love it when my friends post their tattoo pics and I would find myself asking questions about where they had it done and if it hurt, and all that and I realized... maybe I should get one myself.

I randomly read a magazine interview with Maggie Wilson-Consunji, a girl boss I look up to, about her tattoos and I particularly fell in love with this one on her spine:

_{source: cosmo.ph}

It says "be afraid and do it anyway." She shared that these are words that she lives by and it certainly does show in her life. In the same way, I want to be someone who embraces her capacity for danger and use it for good.

But Gail, this isn't sloppy? It's actually pretty well thought-out.

Hold on, we're getting to that part...

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the process

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I got my friend's tattoo artist and contacted him on social media. His name is Jerson Ardiente and he has been doing this for 8 years. He said that he was into sketching and he decided to take his drawings from paper to human skin for fun. He loved it and decided to make a living out of it. His standard rate is 950PHP (19.92USD) and for complex designs he charges higher. He offers home service too, for extra charge of course.

_{the tattoo artist's inks, needles and other equipment}

He then set up his equipment and spread out his things on our table. I was already feeling nervous but I decided to get preoccupied with printing my design and showing it to him first. Best to have your design printed in the size that you want it on your body for Jerson to proceed right away. After having printed your design, he will trace it with a pen and slowly imprint the design to your specified part of the body.

_{starting up}

The moment the needle first touched my back, I got the feel of how painful it was going to be. On a scale of 1-5 (1 being the least pain and 5 being the most), I'd rate the pain a 2. It left a tingly sensation. But even with that rationalization of the pain, I still felt pretty nervous. I had the awareness that my thoughts were causing my nerves to go haywire because the pain was still bearable. And this is where things got sloppy 😂 I thought about how the human spine housed all of the important nerves of the body and how with one mistake, I could get paralyzed. I'm an overthinker, so everything is possible. It didn't matter if my bones were strong, what mattered was the possibility of it happening! So my wild thoughts mixed with the low room temperature brought about by the airconditioner made for a recipe of me almost passing out.

_{glad my sweaty overthinking self didn't show}

I almost fainted and my mom told me how pale I was 😂 I felt butterflies in my stomach and I could feel my heart was racing. My thoughts were racing along with it "Your dad would never approve, you should just back out." I then asked for 2 glasses of water as I swayed between consciousness and unconsciousness. Jerson was professional and stopped when I told him to. He was patient as I tried to get a hold of my panicking self. It was definitely not my finest moment. My mom gave me vaporin and it was a life saver.

_{look ma, I almost passed out but I made it!}

Thankfully, the artist finished and I was able to push through without passing out. It was embarrassing but it also made me feel very much alive. I felt afraid, I embraced it and was able to do it anyway. Maggie would be proud.

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final tips

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_{a mini-shoot with my sister}

A tattoo is a life-long commitment for me, there is that option to erase it but they say it's more expensive. Best to go with a design that you'll not regret having for the rest of your life. The pain is also dependent on the location and the perception of the person, here are pain charts that can serve as your guides:

_{tattoo pain chart for male source: wildtattooart.com}

_{tattoo pain chart for female source: source: wildtattooart.com}

As a general rule of thumb, the more bony the area is, the more painful it will be. Take note that the pain is also a function of your pain tolerance. If you can prepare a numbing cream, it will help ease the pain. After inking, you will be asked to skip taking a shower for a day and use only gentle baby soap on the tattooed area.

That wraps up the embarrassing story of my first ever tattoo! Thank you for reading all the way through. See you in the next one 😘

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